UNACKNOWLEDGED LEGISLATOR PONDERS KINGSHIP

Providence, RI (maybe?) (AP) At 7 a.m. local time, on a green lawn beside the looming Depression-era statue of state founder Roger Williams, local poet and home dishwasher Henry Gould, an unacknowledged legislator of the world, signed new legislation making himself an official acknowledged legislator of the world. Despite the absence of an audience at the signing (except for a single pesky squirrel, which Gould also acknowledged, with his signature "squirrel imitation"), the newly-acknowledged legislator has big plans. "After breakfast, I think I'll anoint myself King of America, for starts," he chuckled. "After that, I don't know. Depends on what's in the fridge." Absently tossing an acorn at the squirrel, he acknowledged, in his husky, inimitable Rhode Island accent (acquired after years of schooling), "Feels good to be king. I can tell that squirrel where to go, no problemo."